In March 2019, I first learned that I was going to be a father. In those initial moments, I felt a jolt of excitement replaced almost immediately with a surge of fear. I remember hugging my newly pregnant wife, mind whirring with all the pitfalls the future now seemed to hold. I don’t know how to be a father, I thought worriedly. I remember several weeks later sharing the news and my fears with a mentor, who was himself a father. He listened and nodded empathetically. “Just remember,” he said as a smile broke across his face, “being a father is like folding a fitted bedsheet. No one really knows how to do it well. You just have to keep trying.”
That mentor assuaged my fears by reminding me that being a parent or caretaker is less about always knowing exactly the right words than it is about demonstrating integrity and love in action. Children are highly attuned to the adults around them. For better or worse, parents and caretakers wield enormous influence over the lives and values of their children.
As Jesus’ father figure, Saint Joseph represents the truth of this claim. Joseph is one of the most enigmatic figures of the New Testament. For someone who lived in such close proximity to Jesus, we don’t know very much about him. He’s mentioned only a handful of times in the gospels, and usually only in the first few chapters in reference to Jesus’s early life. We don’t know about his life before meeting Mary or how long he lived. The gospel narratives don’t preserve a single word or phrase from him. For most of us, he’s most familiar as a figure in the annual Christmas pageant, lingering near the manger but without any lines.
Even so, there is a great deal we can learn from Joseph. Based on the stories we do have, he seems to have been a person of quiet integrity. In the first chapter of Matthew, Joseph hears from an angel who tells him to accept Jesus as his son. Joseph does so, and as a result, becomes a father figure to our Lord. He would have been there to see Jesus take his first steps and play with his childhood friends. We can imagine Joseph taking Jesus to weekly synagogue services, sharing thousands of meals, and taking the annual trip to Jerusalem together, as described in the Book of Luke. Even though we don’t know many details about Joseph’s life, it is clear that he would have had a profound impact on Jesus. For roughly thirty years, Jesus lived, prayed, and shared life in a home that Joseph and Mary created.
As a parent of two young children, I spend a lot of time thinking about what kind of implicit influence they receive from me. What do they learn from me about handling conflict? About priorities? About possessions? About the way to talk to others? As someone engaged in ministry to children and teenagers, I wonder too about what our parish’s kids will remember about time in our programs. In future years, how will they describe their leaders and the climate we create? What do they think our priorities are in formation?
Though (thankfully) none of us will have the burden of raising the Savior, as Joseph and Mary did, Joseph’s example teaches us about the enormous influence that adults have on the faith life of children. I have a friend in the Roman Catholic Church who likes to say that Joseph has a part in raising every Christian since he raised Jesus. Whether or not that is a helpful formulation, it points to the reality that Joseph’s influence through Jesus is profound. Joseph shows us that even quiet faithfulness can have a deep impact.
Where are the places God is calling you to practice quiet faithfulness?
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