Advent: The Ancient Practice of Patience

As a child, my family had one Advent calendar we used for years. It featured a nativity with twenty-four paper flaps, which you opened to find a Bible reference. For years, my sisters and I rotated through the countdown to Christmas by opening the flap and reading the referenced Bible verse. That was my whole experience of Advent growing up. 

Over the past decade, Advent calendars have become alarmingly capitalistic. From food and drinks to socks to elaborate craft projects, consumerism shoves us ever closer to the gluttony of a modern Western Christmas celebration. On the high end, you have coffee, wines, and liquors; the mid-range boasts themed gifts from favorite pop culture moments. Of course, if having twenty-four wrapped gifts is more than you can manage, you can also find the activity-oriented Advent calendars stuffed with festive crafts, outings, and movie nights, all competing for space with school concerts, unpredictable weather, and the never-ending battle against illness. 

As a parent of modest means, this sort of consumerism is infeasible. As a parent in the Episcopal Church, I also find it the antithesis of waiting. The church calendar holds the magic of Christmas with bated breath. In Advent, we practice waiting for the fulfillment of a promise. We are not waiting for a man in a red suit to reward us for 365 days of good behavior.

If there is a phrase I find myself repeating as a parent, it is definitely “Be patient.” 

Be patient; dinner will be ready in xxx minutes. 

Be patient; your birthday is coming. 

Be patient; you will get your turn to participate in things. 

Be patient. I am planning something fun, but it just can’t happen now.

Nothing quite tests both the children’s patience and mine like the weeks of Advent. While their friends pop up trees in mid-November, I insist on waiting until after Advent 1 before heading into the woods to cut down our tree. While elves on shelves wreak havoc on homes (thanks to the hard work of magic-making parents), I insist on talking about Saint Nicholas and Saint Lucia.

This is not to say that I am Scrooge refusing any form of joy, it just looks different in our household. We spend the season preparing and waiting. We clean our house in preparation to cover a twinkling conifer with memories of years past. We prepare gifts for those we love and appreciate and write cards with words of comfort and joy.

Instead of counting down, we use Advent candles to count towards the season of Christmas. This waiting builds anticipation with each new candle lit week by week. Rather than a countdown of little gifts leading to a pile of giant gifts, ours is a count toward the light, light increasing and becoming manifest in stars, song, and joy. It is looking toward the promise of a person who will bring peace to a world full of pain and chaos. The promise that the least of these will be welcome.

And in the waiting, we must still live our ordinary lives. It’s not all excitement—there are still dishes to wash, beds to make, and homework to complete. Yes, there are parties, treats, and good things while waiting. Each of these things is in anticipation of the joy to come. 

This annual season of waiting and preparing reminds us that we live in the now and the not yet. The second coming of Christ has been up for debate since the days of the Apostles. We do not know the hour or the day of his return, but we are called to live in a way that prepares for that eventuality. The waiting should not be passive; it is a season for us to live out the promised peace. We are the peacemakers, the light bringers, the magic makers for more than just our children.

Bringing my children into magic-making has been a delight and one of the best ways to help them practice patience. My oldest son loves to share a wink when he knows a secret that none of his siblings do. Then there is my daughter, who takes decorating incredibly seriously and loves lighting the candles on our Advent wreath. All the older children take delight in finding ways to bring joy to their youngest sister and all of their friends. Taking an active part in the preparation is crucial to their understanding of faith.

Joy is greater when you are ready for it.