What she didn’t tell him

There is a predicament parents face regarding when to tell children that they are adopted. Is it best to tell them early on or to wait until they are older? Living in modern times, we often take for granted the psychological tools which have been granted to us through the psychological movement of the 20^th century. We stand on the shoulders of giants of faith and courage who made their way through difficult times without the resources readily available to us. The Holy Family is one of them.

Setting aside the greater moments in their narrative, I want to turn our attention to the short story in Luke’s Gospel, when Jesus goes missing. If you have ever experienced losing a child at a store or in a crowd, you know the limits of your humanity! The helpless questioning “Where is she?” as you pivot from left to right. “Where is he? He was just here!” And at reunification, the explosion of one’s human and raw emotions takes center stage. Luke’s spotlight falls directly on Mary when she spots Jesus teaching in the temple.

I wonder if there was someone standing by asking, “Can you please keep your voice down?” or “What is that lady’s problem?” Mary does not hold back. She is mad. “Son, why have you treated us this way?” Jesus, the twelve-year-old, has been gone for three days. He is not worried and he sure as heck isn’t looking for them!  There is a calmness to Jesus that commands the moment. This is when Mary would have benefitted from taking a deep breath before launching into her son. Because what she says is very telling of their family assumptions. “Your FATHER and I have been looking for you!” It is in these very words that one may speculate, she hadn’t told him. Had Mary not yet told him who his biological father was?

This precarious and shielding in mystery, she may have only alluded to the fact of something which had never happened before, did happen twelve years ago in his life! Something tremendously special had happened surrounding his birth story, giving Greek mythology a run for its money. Again, what if the whole issue of parentage and conception had been shielded from Jesus for safety’s sake? Two married people—no scandal. A complex explanation to a twelve-year-old boy that his birth father was God—that’s something even Mary and Joseph couldn’t explain! After all, they didn’t yet have the New Testament’s explanations; they were living it!

Jesus helps them by addressing the elephant in the room, “Why is it that you were looking for me? Did you not know that I had to be in my Father’s House?” Luke continues in 2:52 “And they did not understand the statement which he made to them” or to be specific, the Greatness and power of God through the Holy Spirit!

Luke’s Gospel reports that when the shepherds travel to Bethlehem to share the news received from the heavenly host, Mary treasures their words in her heart. Mary is a young Jewish mother living obediently and righteously. Even in the enormity of what transpired during the previous years—the flight to Egypt and the return to Nazareth—daily living must take place. Culture cannot be avoided. Neighbors and relatives surround them, hovering and looking over the proverbial back fence. “Is this not the carpenter’s son?”

By the time Jesus attends the Wedding at Cana, Mary has a greater understanding of his command of the moment. The decision being made at a certain age, Jesus has set out in ministry to leave the apprenticeship behind. He has been baptized in the Jordon River by a wild cousin, and he himself has disappeared again, this time for 40 days in the wilderness. He will return to the village looking gaunt and emaciated unless the regenerative angel food works miracles after a 40 day fast!

Mary’s son has returned to take his place at the banquet table. But before he gets too comfortable in his chair and enjoys the party, his mother says there is no wine. Jesus reminds her again, of his command of the moment. With rational poise, she tells the servants, “Whatever he says to you, do it.”

Jesus knows who he is. Mary knows who he is. They’ve come a long way in their relationship. Working with our children as they grow up is never easy. Those conversations that are too complex to even know where to begin. What will they say? How will they react? Fortunately, God helps us at the right time. I am thankful for the guiding promise, “Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world.” The Holy Spirit knows how to read the room!