This time of year you are bound to hear one of our best Church buzzwords: reconciliation. The word simply means a restoration of friendly relations, or the repairing of a relationship. We focus on reconciliation because of the work of Jesus. He took our mortal, sinful nature upon himself so that we could be reconciled to God, in whose image and likeness we were originally made. In the last book of the New Testament, Jesus says, “See, I am making all things new.”
The problem is, that I do not often – or even usually – see that everything has become, or is becoming new. When I look at the world around me, when I turn on Facebook or Twitter, when I read the paper, or talk to my friends, that “new creation” does not pop out to me. What I see is much of the same old, same old: division, fighting, break-ups, epidemics, addiction, war, and so on. In fact, perhaps now more than ever it feels like that hope of a new creation is a distant dream for another age.
Take my own situation for example. I am divorced and recently remarried. My wife and I both have strained relationships with our “exes” (who doesn’t?!) We both have complicated custody situations. Since my oldest daughter lives eight hours away, our family is only united certain times of the year. On a daily basis we face the reality of the brokenness of our lives, and often live under the weight of human sin and broken relationship made manifest directly in divorce.
This is where I think Lent can save us from becoming lost in the pain of living in a broken world. Lent is a season when we live into the tension between our present reality and God’s reality, the “already” and “not yet” of Christian hope. In this season we face head on the paradox of our mortality meeting our baptismal reality, our sin and our salvation. Lent reminds us both of who we are and who God is calling us to be as we face our mortality in ashes and kneel to confess our sins in penitence.
Lent also reminds us that we carry this ministry of reconciliation out into the world. God is calling us to be peacemakers, to restore and mend broken relationships, and to proclaim the good news that in Jesus all trespasses, all mistakes, all wrongs, have been set aside, all slates wiped clean.
How can we be ambassadors of reconciliation when we ourselves continue to live in broken relationship? The reality of my divorce is that I do not think I can ever reconcile with my ex-wife, not in a substantial way. Realistically, our relationship is cordial at best. Pain, time, and distance have created a wedge that may never be overcome in this life. What does that mean for my ministry of reconciliation?
I think that is the last good news of this season of Lent. The good news St. Paul proclaimed is that this ministry of reconciliation does not come from us. God did not wait for us to decide to come home before wiping our slates clean. We did not need to ask for Jesus to come to us. In his love, God chose to send Jesus to take on our nature, sharing in our humanity so that we could become the righteousness of God.
In other words, reconciliation is ultimately not my work, but God’s. This is good news because my relationship with my ex-wife, my relationship with my daughter, and any relationships I have which have been complicated by life, I can give them all over to God.
This does not let me off of the hook. I am called to be engaged in the work of reconciliation God is doing in the world, and being a Christian means that I treat relationships – even complicated ones like a divorce – through the lens of grace and forgiveness. But reconciliation is a two way process and requires both parties be willing or able to come to the table. The good news is that there is a third party, God, and God’s work in the world is to take all of the mess we have made and re-make it in God’s image.
This Lent, I will look for the way God is making all things new. I’ll look again at my relationships, especially the ones most painful. I’ll pray for grace, and try to show myself grace for the mistakes I have made. And I’ll ask God to work in the hearts of those hard toward me. If I do this, I am sure that I will discover God is making me anew.
Where do you need to seek God’s ways of making all things new in your own life?
Discover more from Grow Christians
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
Thank you for this post. It helps to share.
My “ex” forced me out of our home on Valentine’s Day 2002, and divorced me as soon as legally possible afterwards. No grounds are necessary in my jurisdiction, but I was accused of multiple creuelties that were, at the least, greatly exaggerated. I could have replied to them, but didn’t. I was, and am, too heartbroken. I shed many tears. We have not communicated once since the wedding ring was returned.
Nevertheless I pray daily for her and our 3 children, and have for many years. My prayers have been answered! My youngest son, now 38, has just this last year invited me back into his life and my partner (since 2003) and I have visited 3 times to enjoy their newborn twins. We are greeted with hugs and genuine love.
My oldest daughter will allow me to email her 3 times a year. I haven’t been allowed to see her, or her 2 children, since the divorce. My middle daughter told me in 2006 that she was too busy for me and not to write again. I am heartbroken, but that’s life.
I doubt that reconciliation with my ex will ever be possible, and I could never turn back from my wonderful partner to her even if the former relationship was repaired. My son tells me that his mother, who lives only 5 minutes away, hardly visits and only stays for a few minutes when she does. I find that very sad. We live an hour away…
So there is joy in the midst of sorrow and God does answer prayer.
I am unwillingly going through divorce. Right now, my wounds are still fresh. Whenever I think of my spouse for a length of time, I start feeling angry again. For Lent, I decided to give up anger because I don’t like the person I am, holding onto this. When I feel angry, I say out loud “I’m giving this to you God, and you better take it because I don’t want it anymore.”
I struggle with what it means to be a Christian and get divorced. I’m also struggling with how to forgive and let go when I am getting railroaded into this against my will. I feel like I’m sitting in traffic, waiting for the green light from God to start moving again. Waiting is uncomfortable. At the same time, God revealed Psalm 37:7 to me “Be still before the Lord andcwsitbpatiently for Him”. I’m getting better at waiting with patience.
I cannot talk about divorce, but I do believe that in order for reconciliation to happen, both parties have to first forgive themselves – and then forgive each other. Sometimes forgiving one’s self is harder than forgiving someone else. I do know that everything is possible with God’s grace so a lot of prayer will be required. You may never become good friends but you can learn to love each other as God loves us.