Once upon a time, when my children were little and I was still married to their father, I learned to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas as a default setting for the season.
I could never seem to get decorations and presents and feasts prepared by December 25th, so my belated discovery that the 12 Days of Christmas continue after Christmas and culminate on January 6th with the Feast of the Epiphany was a blessing beyond words. I learned that in some southern European and Latin American cultures, Epiphany is actually the accepted time for gift-giving, so that instead of expecting Santa Claus to deliver presents on Christmas Eve, children there wait for the Three Kings to bring them gifts on Epiphany.
“Great! I thought. “I’ll embrace it all!” And I did.
Actually, we started with the Feast of St. Nicholas on December 6th. Following an old tradition, the kids put their shoes outside their bedroom doors the night before, knowing that in the morning they would find gifts from St. Nicholas — chocolate and a small toy — filling their shoes. We talked about who St. Nicholas was and how he had morphed into the image we have of Santa Claus; and then on Christmas morning they would find their stockings filled by the generous saint, along with a single present from us and a few more from the extended family.
Because Christmas Day wasn’t focused on a huge pile of presents, and because we toned down the Santa Claus hype, we were able to spend more time on the story of Jesus’ birth. We waited till Christmas Eve to set up our tree, and after we attended the family service at church, we came home to light a candle over our crèche, symbolizing the bright star over the stable.
Then during each of the days between Christmas and Epiphany, the kids would receive small and sometimes silly gifts to unwrap, until on Epiphany itself we would have another round of bigger presents followed by another feast, after which we would un-decorate the tree. What began as a matter of sanity and convenience became a sacred commitment over the years.
What I didn’t know at the time was that in making a big deal out of the 12 Days of Christmas and Epiphany, I was also unwittingly preparing my children – and me, too – for ways to celebrate Christmas beyond divorce, remarriage, and moving.
The years I was separated from my children on Christmas Day were heartbreakingly painful. That’s just a fact. But having Epiphany to look forward to meant that I didn’t have to experience the whole season without them. After all, the story isn’t over on Christmas Day, and the celebration doesn’t have to be, either. On Epiphany we could still parade around the house singing “We Three Kings,” fix exotic food from the countries the kings might have come from, and exchange presents. The lights of the Christmas tree still burned brightly. The kings and camels that came with our crèche finally reached the baby Jesus. No, it wasn’t the same as being together on Christmas morning, but it was good, and I was grateful.
My children are grown now, with children of their own, but my husband I continue to celebrate the 12 Days of Christmas, to exchange gifts on Epiphany, and to be the last in our neighborhood to take down the tree.
And last year, three year-old Anastasia helped us move the Three Kings closer and closer to the crèche as Epiphany approached. This year, maybe we’ll sing as we move them, and perhaps, over the years, the extended Christmas celebration at Grandma and Grandpa’s house will help my grandchildren learn the sacred Story.
Do you celebrate over the twelve days of Christmas? How?
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Thank you for these writings about Christmas and Epiphany. We will not have grandchildren, as our two sons have died. My husband and I met as college students and both have been Christians a long time. We are still young, to us, even though this will be our 42 wedding anniversary in September this year, and I will be 45 years out of high school this June. We have celebrated Epiphany in very meaning -full ways over years, and agree that the extension of Christmas from first Sunday of Advent, and not before Thanksgiving (and definitely not mixed up with Halloween if at all possible, or other distracting attention getters), to Epiphany season makes the gospel story have more sense. I found this narrative this first Monday of Easter, and wanted the writer to know the picture of the granddaughter placing the baby Jesus into his nativity setting is true to my own beliefs, and reminds me of the importance of remembering and telling the stories of our Christian beliefs. Timing and love are important. This Easter, I am committing to remembering and telling a few more stories; even about Easter eggs and families and feasts and sacrifice and resurrection after death, in our Lord Jesus. He told us that when we see him we see our Heavenly Father. I do see Jesus more and more, in eyes of his children around me, with even my aging eyes. Maybe a wisdom comes with a lifetime of seeking; I keep seeking with hope and thanks giving to God. Thanks for your honest sharing. Amen to your good thoughts and prayer…
Thank you for commenting! It was a blessing to read your comment today. A beautiful Easter season to you!
THANK YOU for another view of what’s become a very complicated holiday!! I commend you for your early adoption of Epiphany, wish I had been better informed when young, but slowly getting it and enjoying the whole long season. Being Swedish-American, we always started with St Lucia, but now begin with Advent, including St Nick’s till today! Blessings in this new year and thank you for your writings!!
For many years I shared my daughter with her father on Christmas Day and felt somewhat empty. Then I started to celebrate Epiphany. It’s not the same every year and sometimes we don’t have a party or small gifts offered. Always we turn off all the lights except for candles (and the lighted tree if still up) as we read pre-assigned scriptures about the Three Kings and the miracles. If small children are present they will hold a candles with batteries. I usually hand out copies of the song Twelve days of Christmas and what those days mean. Our little celebration is devoid of commercialism and I love it!